13 August 2011

A Peek Behind the Curtain

You're very open about your relationship of 2yrs. Is there a downside to everybody knowing? I can only imagine, but I'd like to hear your thoughts...
(via MagsHoop)

Over the six or so years I’ve been writing this blog, I have written about many of my lovers, sometimes in great detail. I make it a point to never post anything I haven’t said or wouldn’t say to that person’s face. Almost everybody gets a nickname in order to protect his/her privacy. My friends and acquaintances typically respect this enough to refer to people by their nicknames even if they know or suspect their real identities. Even two years later, I still have friends who, upon meeting BB, will discretely whisper to me “This is BB right?”.

Granted, the blog has caused some friction over the years. Everyone thinks it’s hilarious until they recognize themselves in a post, then suddenly it’s not so funny anymore.
It certainly has affected some of my relationships, but I make it a point to warn people: anything that happens to me, anything I do or observe is fair game. That’s the risk you take when you get involved with an artist; you will, inevitably, end up in their “story”--- regardless of their chosen medium (you’ve no idea how many songs about me, both sappy and angry, I’ve had to endure!).

This medium is, first and foremost, an exercise for me. Of course, it has evolved over the years; Formspring has added a new dimension. Over the entire lifetime of the blog, readers have emailed me privately with questions or requests for advice. Those can now be submitted anonymously and answered publicly. One of the things that has always intrigued me the most about this particular medium is reader feedback, whether it be questions, comments or interpretations of what I’ve written--- they are all very revealing of people’s unique filters.

Ultimately though, this is where I practice the craft of writing, the art of writing. It is a 6+ year study and exercise in creating a character and maintaining that same tone and voice, regardless of the subject matter I’m addressing. The Infamous CoatCheck Girl is a one-dimensional character existing in cyberspace. While the posts are based on my real-life experiences they are written from her distinct point of view.

Most of the people who matter to me understand that.

BB has been one of my strongest supporters and advocates where my writing is concerned (one of the many reasons I <3 him!). He understands the difference between the person and the persona. He is also absolutely confident in himself and in our relationship. Of course, BB does present a unique problem, in that he has brought with him an entire audience of his own...an audience predisposed to dislike, criticize, and speculate upon every minute aspect of our relationship. Most of them, however, lack the courage to address it directly and openly so it is a mere buzzing, like that of a fly: annoying but inconsequential. BB has never, and would never ask me to censor myself. If anything, I think he’s rather amused by all the speculation and rumor. It’s been said that the best place to hide something is in plain sight. I am honest about the fact that BB and I have an open relationship--- it’s not something we’re coy about. Nor are either of us shy about our kinks. Posting something like that, however, does not paint a full portrait of who either of us are, so neither of us feels as though our privacy has really been compromised. Speculation and gossip are just that. Despite the buzz, buzz, buzzing the only opinions and points of view that actually matter in this relationship are mine and his. xo, Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!

All Content Copyright 2011, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved


  1. I believe the reason people have a problem..they are jealous of your courage to live life the way you want.

  2. Anyone who sees you and BB together for more than five minutes could see that you love each other like crazy.
    Not everyone will understand the nature of your relationship, but that's the awesome thing about it being *yours.* Nobody BUT you two need to "get it."
    As for those who are mean and nasty and who draw conclusions/judgements from things they know nothing about...let them talk.(kaniac or not. Trust me, people don't have to be kane fans to be judgmental asses, lol.)
    At the end of the day, you and BB are as strong as ever, and have something new to share a laugh at!

  3. I am so glad you made this post because I had been thinking about your blog lately about how up front you are with your relationships and sexuality. I love your honesty but it did make me stop and think hmmm could I pull this off in my blog? Well I don't think so because my blog is geared toward my love of vintage and past eras I think I would scare off all of my followers! However I do love reading your blog. As far as being in an open relationship - I have been involved in a total of three in my life time. The first one was in 2006 and then a couple more followed after that. They did not last too long though due to various reasons. I would have to say very few people know this about me and a lot of people view me as very straight laced due to my appearance and demeanor. With facebook people are starting to see my other side peak out though because I do a lot of photo shoots and go to a lot of interesting events but I still think people think I am really straight lace though but I will have to say it is a lot of fun to make people wonder though!

  4. Hi Brooksie! Thank you for the kind words.
    Open relationships are complicated enough without factoring in the opinions of outside parties, so it's understandable that you might to keep that separate from your blog. And boy, do people have opinions and judgments on the subject!
    Your current blog may not be the right forum to talk about that aspect of your life.
    Personal blogs are tricky. Even if you are not strictly writing via a persona, your readers will create one for you. I find it entertaining when I finally meet long-time readers in person. They feel as though they *know* me, so they are usually a little confused after talking to me for a bit.
    I've even asked "What do you think I do? Just fuck and check coats all day?"

    I think it's great that you're getting more comfortable showing that adventurous side.
    Don't underestimate the power of the goody-goody image, however--- you can get away with so much more! ;-)

  5. I generally just love you. Your blog made me both smile and think; two things I find very important. I hate that people have such negativity towards you because you are so open and honest and it is genuinely refreshing. So point I'm getting back to it; you are lovely. I wish my friends were honest with me about everything even when it might hurt my feelings. My comments are in general as I didn't want to spam every post.

  6. You are very kind! I'm glad I could make you smile and think :-)


    Infamous CoatCheck Girl


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