27 July 2010

What's the weirdest fan encounter you've ever had to deal with? Weirdest you've ever witnessed?

Fortunately my fans are not too nutty. My fans buy me things like books or sex toys, but despite the intimate nature of such gifts, are very respectful about it.
I recently received a violet wand (Google it!) from a fan in Utah, along with a couple of books I had on my "Things I Want" list. We've never met in person, but several years ago he began turning to me for advice. We've slowly developed a friendship via emails and text messages.
Another fan contacted me and wanted to thank me for entertaining him with my stories by plying his trade...as a professional glassblower. That's a lot less dirty than it sounds, and you can read about it here: http://infamouscoatcheckgirl.blogspot.com/2009/03/thanks-youre-peach.html

I have an uncanny ability to make myself invisible (learned from years of photographing live events) so I am not often approached in public, but I have had a couple of amusing and memorable encounters with people who recognized me as the Infamous CoatCheck Girl.

One was my most "rock star" moment ever. I was at Dante's with a friend who is a bona fide celebrity, particularly with the crowd that was present that night. He was getting mobbed "Hey! You're So-and-So!" "Oh my god, you're So-and-So!" over and over, people continued to approach him as we chatted outside. Another young man approached us "Oh my god...you're the Infamous CoatCheck Girl!" he exclaimed, much to my surprise--- and my friend's amusement.

The other instance actually left my companion a little shaken. The Import was visiting and we were out for a night on the town. I had spoken to him of the blog and mentioned that I did occasionally get recognized while out and about. Ironically, during the earlier part of our evening a band of cougars had mistaken him for a TV celebrity. We were at Wanderlust Circus' White Album Christmas, and several women next to and in front of us kept looking at him and giggling like school girls as they whispered amongst themselves. Finally one got up the nerve to ask him and he coyly said he could neither confirm nor deny his identity. "Well we don't want to bother you or ask you for autographs or anything" one of them cooed. "It's quite alright...I get that all the time" he joked. More giggles.
After the show, we stopped by Dante's for a nightcap. As we prepared to leave, we retrieved our coats and chatted with the coat check girl.
"Are you the coat check girl?" a young man asked me.
"No, she is" I played dumb and pointed at my colleague.
"No," he insisted "Are you THE coat check girl, The Infamous CoatCheck Girl?"
"Well...yes, I am"
He then turned to my date "And you must be The Import. You live in San Francisco, right? Play bass? You met her while you were on tour through here with some band?"
"Uh..." The Import sputtered, backing away and trying to flatten himself against the wall behind him.
I wasn't blogging much those days---rather micro-blogging via Twitter--- but this fan rattled off every small tidbit of information I had ever posted about my handsome date.
I couldn't help but laugh. "See? And you didn't believe me!" I teased.

My readers tend to be pretty respectful and kind. Mostly I get private messages from readers thanking me for expressing things they have neither the words nor courage to express. Those are the most touching and humbling.

As for other people's fans...well I've seen things...things too numerous to recount. Slash fiction still has to be the oddest, most vulgar fan phenomenon I've witnessed to date, however.

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!

23 July 2010

Do you have any advice a la Dan Savage for protecting oneself from STDs? Aside from using condoms, how can you be confident that your partners are clean and safe if you never really know who else they're sleeping with?

I have advice á la Infamous CoatCheck Girl, certainly...
Your wording seems to presuppose that I don't know who else my partners are sleeping with. In the case of my primary partner, I do know, as we're very open about such matters. I also know he respects himself (and me) enough to be safe with other lovers.
That really is key: respect.
I can tell you from experience that respect and casual sex are not mutually exclusive, either.

Several years ago, I picked up a young man at a show, and we ended up back at his place. Before things got heated, he told me in a very forthright manner that, though he had never had an outbreak, he had tested positive and was a carrier of HSV-2 (most commonly referred to as genital herpes).
I ran through a mental check-list:

-No need to panic or ruin a fun night.
-Oral is out (for him).
-Oral is out (for me).
-Not going to risk intercourse even with a condom.

ok...

-Fisting it is!

We had a grand time.

Unfortunately he had a terrible habit of saying "I seen" instead of "I saw", which proved the grammatically incorrect death knell of our budding "relationship". But I digress...

"Casual" sex is never really casual. Every sexual act involving another person (or people) brings with it risks: from STDs, to pregnancy, to awkward "Hey...you. I explored every orifice of your body but can't remember your name" moments. Unless you're in a committed relationship and everyone involved is faithful and has been tested, you are taking a risk.
It is our responsibility as sexually active adults to educate ourselves, weigh those risks and learn to minimize them. Of course, there are the obvious precautions.
You mention condoms.

A friend once told me (many years after we had been lovers) that the sexiest, most memorable thing I'd ever said to him, was that I'd learned to like the taste of latex.

Nobody *likes* using condoms but with so many options---flavored, micro-thin, heat-transmitting, textured--- there's really no excuse not to use them. Faced with a choice between no sex at all, and sex with a condom...well, do you really want to be with the type of person who would choose the former?

Lube is something that might not typically be listed under safer sex options, but I think it's very important. Friction can quickly dry and tear a condom, rendering it useless. A little drop inside the condom and plenty on the outside of it will keeps things nice and slippery.
But do stay away from condoms with Nonoxynol-9 "lubricant". Certainly, it kills some viruses, but it can also irritate tender membranes and tissues, causing small tears and making you more susceptible to infections. (I won't even use harsh detergents to wash my undies--- I definitely don't want detergents inside me!)

But we know all this stuff--- we've read the pamphlets, heard the PSAs, seen the horrible pictures at the clinic. We know condoms aren't 100% effective against things like HPV and herpes.
It's enough to make you never want to touch another human ever again...until a minute later when the libido kicks in and you get frisky.

I'd be the last person to recommend limiting sexual activity to the confines of a committed relationship. What I do advocate is an exploration and redefinition of sex. I find too often people's definition of what "sex" is, to be rather narrow and confining in scope. Your average person will define sex as genital-genital contact, a smaller number will include oral-genital contact in that definition.
I would question their lack of creativity.

I often write about fairly "casual" Misadventures, but not all of those encounters fit within the above-described definition of sex. These lovers are sometimes strangers, sometimes casual acquaintances and I don't necessarily know their sexual history--- but very little will deter the Infamous CoatCheck Girl when she's on a mission! However, that's no time to be careless...

I haven't met a man yet who'll turn down a good masturbation show... or turn down a nice expanse of flesh upon which to shower the seeds of his effort (just be sure to negotiate face-shots ahead of time!).
Everybody wins.
And you avoid the possible pitfalls of the bar hook-up---whiskey-dick is nobody's friend!

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl


All Content Copyright 2010, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

22 July 2010

How did Butterfly Boy get his nickname? It's not a very manly nickname lol Is he okay with it? (

Simply? He gives me butterflies--- he did from the start, and still does.
I'm pretty certain he's okay with that.
And it could certainly have been worse...

The tradition of nicknaming my suitors started long before the blog. Cory, my bff since high school, has a wicked sense of humor and an inability to keep names straight---or at least the long list of names I would always throw at him. In the course of conversations about these different boys, he would fixate upon some anecdote or perceived quality and name them accordingly. Back in those days, the names often leaned toward dog breeds, as the boys used to follow me around like little lost pups (oh, I do have some fond memories of Poodle!).
Some would say not much has changed in that regard, but perhaps because my suitors are older and more interesting these days, the nicknames reflect that a bit.
I've continued the tradition myself, and it has become even more important in trying to respect and protect the anonymity of people who make it into my blogs.

Cory and I don't see each other as much as we used to, so he gets 2 or 3 month's worth of stories at a time. If you know me, you know that might require flow charts and graphs to keep it all straight, so the tradition remains alive and well.
Recently I was recounting to him an invitation I had received. The young lad in question is a sensitive, sensual sort who had enticed me with promises of a relaxing hand massage and a movie. This amused Cory to no end...

The poor bloke shall forever be known as: The Hand-Job Guy.

So you see, it could have been much, much worse...

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!



All Content Copyright 2010, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

21 July 2010

Part 2 -- Do you lump all of said Diva's fans into the same mold? Some of us do have a grasp of reality - know he has (many) flaws, don't place his name in ink on our bodies..etc but appreciate the friends we have made because of a mutual interest.

I don't understand what causes people to go insane for another human they don't actually know.
I don't understand why people would travel to another state or another country to see a band play...
Perhaps I'm spoiled, because I have rarely paid to see a show over the last 15 years.
Perhaps I'm jaded.
I have an older brother who ran a music 'zine when I was a teenager. He was always meeting, hanging out with and interviewing bands, so it never seemed like something out of the ordinary to me. I've also been around musicians for a very long time. Many of my friends are musicians who have achieved varying degrees of success. Because of them, I know that record deals, tours, and awards are not the magical things they appear to be to the average person who doesn't understand how the music industry works.
Musicians are just people toiling away at their chosen profession, just as anybody else might. Most of them do it, not for fame or glory, but because if they didn't have that outlet for expression, their heads would explode---- ok, so a couple of them do it for the chicks...

Unfortunately it is the nutty fans, the ones who are completely out of touch with reality, with whom I end up interacting the most. They're the ones who follow me via social networking sites because I mention a few key words here and there. They don't stop to think that I may not even be a fan--- or worse, they realize that I have a personal and professional connection to that whole circus. Then I get requests to arrange meetings, or deliver anything from scripts to home-cooked steaks, and at worst to play the role of...I believe the polite term is "panderer".

I have, however, met and befriended some amazing fans, ones who just like the music and have a realistic grasp of the persona behind it, and are at the shows simply to have a good time. There is a group of ladies I met last year, two sisters and their niece, who have become very dear friends--- they are trying to return this year to help me celebrate my birthday. There is a couple I met this summer who was instrumental in my decision to get back together with Butterfly Boy after we took a break (I am forever in their debt!). I've met a few others here and there who are well on their way to becoming friends as well, after a somewhat rocky introduction.

I'm glad that there are people, such as yourself, who do realize that the best thing to come out of these shows are the friendships formed out of a shared interest; people who don't have unrealistic expectations of, or blind adoration for, the artists. There are some very kind, talented, and interesting souls out in that audience--- I'm glad you are connecting!
But the tattoo-getting, daydreaming, slash-writing, thinking-they-understand-his-soul, completelyout of touch with reality nut-jobs, will continually baffle and amuse me!

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!



All Content Copyright 2010, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

20 July 2010

part One Is there a specific action that has caused you to dislike the diva as much as you seem to -- or just said diva's general personality?

Yes and yes.

There are several specific actions and/or interactions I have had with him, both personally and professionally, which lead me to dislike "the diva". Would I write about them publicly? I told him a year ago he wasn't worth the space in my blog. That, and I respect his manager and my job enough not to feed material to the slash and fan fiction nut-jobs (a phenomenon to which I've only recently been introduced via his fans).

Both my personal and professional circumstances put me in direct contact with a lot of musicians and actors, some of whom are considered by many to be celebrities. I've met Oscar winners, Grammy winners and nominees; I know artists who, while not critically or internationally lauded, I would consider masters of their craft. I am even fortunate enough to call some of them friends--- and I mean REAL friends, not the "I waved after the show and he waved back so we're, like, totally soul-mates now" friends...

But, as I've written before, people need more than their profession to recommend them. I'm not impressed by titles or resumes--in any field. I've met enough truly gifted artists to know a diva attitude is not a requisite for the creative process (even if a little healthy ego is). It is often the smaller, less talented artists-- the ones who feel they SHOULD be superstars-- who have the biggest egos.

In a professional context, it is difficult to respect artists who don't show respect to/for the people who make their jobs possible or at least easier, let alone for the fans who put them in their privileged position.

In a personal context, well...there is no "personal context" if somebody is rude and disrespectful, either to me or somebody I know. People always know where they stand with me, no matter how many "fans" or accolades they may have. I'm not afraid to call a spade a spade, or call a diva a diva!

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!



All Content Copyright 2010, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

11 July 2010

What is the craziest request a performer has asked you to do? (no need to mention names) Like just totally off the wall shit like providing pure oxygen pumped into the green room or having only drinks that began with a R brought to them. :)

The music industry has changed a lot. I think the only performers, at least in the music business, who can get away with such antics without getting laughed out of town, are the bands playing stadiums. Even then, I would venture it's only the bands who have been around a while, since the days when that sort of behavior was almost acceptable or at least somewhat expected.
I don't handle the hospitality at the club where I work, but I haven't seen any outrageous riders come in, except one: the band has used for it for over 20 years, and they don't really expect it to be followed to the letter...anymore. Most are pretty standard: clean towels, water, beer, bottle of liquor, tea/coffee, veggies, fruit, cigarettes...

I guess the strangest request I have personally received is from one particular performer: he likes me to watch him masturbate in the green room bathroom. We're friends, and I'm a bit of a voyeur, so it works out alright.

Working in the film/photo industry is a little different. On a recent Nike shoot, the talent HAD to have Fiji water; no other brand would do. Viggo Mortensen has a preference for organic dark chocolate, so we always kept some on hand for him (on The Road). That's my particular weakness too---maybe that's why we got along? Well, that, and the chain-smoking...

Sorry I don't have better stories.

They just don't make divas like they used to.

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!



All Content Copyright 2010, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

06 July 2010

I almost got a tatt for my 40th bday. The next decade starts in a month and am again considering it. I want a nice claddagh. I have always battled weight and am still losing- where do I get a tatt that doesn't/won't sag?

Well, first things first: congratulations on being 50 years young!
I wish I could answer your questions about tattoos, but I can't speak from experience. I have gone the route of cuttings/scarification and piercings, myself.
Skin loses elasticity with age--- that's mostly unavoidable, unless you have a great diet (lots of vitamin C!) and exercise regimen, and good genes.
I'm sure any good tattoo artist could recommend good placement for your proposed piece.
As for your battle with weight...I'm a big fan of yoga, in particular kundalini yoga. There is a series of DVDs by Ravi Singh and Ana Brett that is absolutely wonderful. it works from the inside out: sure it will give you a toned body (and yoga booty!) but it works on balancing your endocrine system and helps moderate your weight that way.
Good luck and again, happy birthday!

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!



All Content Copyright 2010, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

05 July 2010

What are you afraid of?

Snow. Earthquakes. House fires. Heights. That pretty much covers it.

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!



All Content Copyright 2010, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

less of a question and more of a 'sorry if you felt that wishing your boy happy bday had anything to do w' being a friend.' I know that for me I hadn't meant to cause offense...had encountered you and him seperately n found you both to be cool. sorry :(

I appreciate the apology, but it is a matter of invasion of privacy, both mine and his. I use nicknames for a reason, and even my real friends who do know the actual identities, always respect the anonymity of my subjects. They would never have contacted Butterfly Boy based on something I wrote, even if it was for something like a birthday.

It's a matter of respect, not of any sense of "ownership" or jealousy, as you have implied--- on the contrary, I'm his best "wing-man" on the rare occasion there's an attractive fan who catches his eye.

I have no concept of the absurd sort of crazed devotion which makes you pursue the most remote connection to a mediocre actor/singer, to the point of following the minutiae of the friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend of the object of your obsession.
I suppose one might say I even have disdain for it, and pity.
Granted, befriending me might get you closer to a meeting with your idols or, at the very least, a VIP table at one of their shows...but even if I were feeling that magnanimous (and if it were not part of my job to actually help keep zealous fans away), what would 5 minutes of conversation with these people grant you?
You put them on pedestals as if they were better than you or the people you know in real life, solely because you do not know them: they are blank canvases upon which you can project all of your beautiful idealized fantasies without risk of discovering any of their very real flaws.
Wake up ladies.
These people are no more interesting, intelligent, or less flawed than you and your friends are.
Why give them so much power?

And that, my dear was the ultimate cause of my irritation--- my contempt for your idolatry and the lengths to which it drives you.


xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!



All Content Copyright 2010, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

01 July 2010

In your various writings you consistently portray yourself as the object of desire. But do you have any good stories about your own unrequited lust and/or failed pursuits?

Darling, I only write what I know...What is this "unrequited" lust of which you speak? The ones who don't want to sleep with me are either gay or impotent. Right?

Alright, I jest. Mostly.

If it's pure lust we're discussing, how many men do you really think would turn me down? And I don't say this out of ego. Realistically, how many men are going to turn down ANY decent looking woman who is confident, interesting, and looking for no-strings-attached fun?
If I'm looking to satisfy my lusty desires, I don't pursue people with whom I don't already have some hint of chemistry or spark.
Indifference does not turn me on.

I can honestly only think of one man who has flat-out refused me; a room mate I had when I was 19 or 20. I crawled into his bed naked, very drunk, and quite frisky. He was a gentleman...or he might be gay.

Failed pursuits? I've been blogging for 6 years and I've blogged about how many "pursuits"? Some might say my entire blog is one long series of failed pursuits. I'm more about the journey than the destination, though. I see them all as, well, Misadventures... some more or less fun than others.

It's really a matter of perspective, my dear.

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!



All Content Copyright 2010, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved