17 May 2010

Have you ever had a really kinky experience with someone and then realized you couldn't be with them afterwords because of what you let them do or what they let you do to them?

No. Though, unfortunately, the same could not be said for some of my past partners.
A few months ago, I was in the CoatCheck cubby and saw a guy staring at me intently; a questioning look, seeking some sort of recognition. He greeted me by name, but I still couldn't place him. He offered his name and then it dawned on me...the last time I had seen him was a little over a decade ago, as he was running scared from my bedroom.
I hadn't even busted out the strap-on yet, just pinned him down and nibbled on him a little...!

Engaging in any sort of activities I consider "kinky", requires a certain degree of trust and communication. That's not to say I'm opposed to light kinky play with brand new partners, but there are conversations that need to happen beforehand to establish boundaries and limits. I have my own personal "checkpoints" that help me gauge and test the waters without having a cut and dry negotiation. There are plenty of indicators outside of a sexual context which reveal a lot about how a person communicates; how they respond when I express my needs or desires and how well they express their own, how respectful they are of boundaries and limits (again, both mine AND theirs).
As for heavier stuff: I only have a few trusted partners (who are friends first and lovers second), with whom I feel comfortable exploring more intense play. Trust and communication are already established.
That's how I avoid the awkward situation you describe.

Besides, your question implies shame or remorse over a chosen course of action---that's not my style, darling!

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

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