This is the first time in a while that I've indulged in just getting to know somebody before satisfying my lusty desires with them. It's a daunting prospect in its unpredictability. Sheer carnality is pretty straightforward and easy to understand---true intimacy is challenging. It is a challenge I had not been terribly willing (or perhaps able) to face.
But, this is a new year...
I've allowed him to set the pace. Despite the emotional uncertainty that comes with opening up to somebody, this feels relatively safe. And, as far as character-building goes, it's a fairly enjoyable lesson...so far...
It's also nice to confirm that some of my first impressions of him from years ago, were accurate.
The first time we crossed paths, he was at Ohm for an early sound check (yeah, musician... I don't want to hear it!). I had just come in from the cold and was in my little coat check cubby, trying to rub some warmth into my hands. I must have been a pathetic sight, because he walked over and motioned for my hands. He said I looked cold, as he warmed my hands between his.
It was so odd to be sharing what seemed such a sweetly intimate moment with a complete (and very handsome) stranger. I was rather speechless, though I think I managed some inane comment about bad circulation.
"Better?" he said, finally.
"Mhmm...thanks" I mumbled weakly. He smiled and walked away.
I still didn't know his name, and I was utterly thrilled and confused. I needed a plan...once I regained my composure.
I've always been pretty resourceful. I asked around and found out that he played with a few different projects in town. Perfect! I approached him after the show and introduced myself. I told him I photographed a lot of local bands and added that I often received inquiries from bands who were looking for other musicians---a sort of musical match-maker. It was true enough, and it was the perfect excuse to exchange contact information.
That's about as far as my burst of courage got me. I did end up on his email list, though. It was around the time of the 9/11 attacks, and he sent out some deeply insightful, very eloquent emails about them that really touched me. And completely intimidated me. He was handsome and intelligent!
I did try to talk to him a few more times after that. I would hear myself and will myself to "just shut up!". But I could not stop the stream of banalities that escaped my lips, seemingly of their own accord. I finally gave up, limiting myself to a safe friendly wave, from a safe friendly distance.
I'm generally more comfortable in my own skin these days, but I still feel a little tongue-tied around him sometimes.
As I spend more time with him, I discover that along with that deep intelligence, there is also a sweet goofiness. Those two qualities combined make for some very entertaining exchanges. A recent memorable email included lusty thoughts couched in scientific metaphor.
I love it when he talks "nerdy"...