02 August 2007

Oops! (SBT)

When Buddha Mama suggested "Oops!" as the subject for this week's SBT (Sex Blog Thursday) I was a bit stumped. After a bit of free-association two things came to mind: awkward moments and regrets.

As far as awkward moments during sex...sure they happen, but to me they are just part of what makes sex fun. The difference between a good lover and a great lover can be as simple as the ability to be spontaneous and easy-going.
I like my play, well...playful. Humor and laughter can be as important in lovemaking as kissing or any other form of fore-play.
I have encountered lovers who approached sex with such seriousness. All concern for technique and form and no room for "mistakes". What I tend to remember most about them is the lack of laughter. Even if the sex was otherwise good, there was just that little extra something that was amiss.
I remember one lover in particular--- we shared a warm camaraderie and laughed a lot together, but when it came to sex he would get very serious, very "we are going to make love now". All business.
One of the first times we were together, I was laughing for the sheer pleasure and enjoyment of the moment and he became very self conscious. He thought I was laughing at him.
"No, I'm just enjoying myself!" I protested. It was difficult to convince him and I got rather annoyed.
Insecurity is so unattractive.
"Look, as long as I'm not pointing at you and laughing, you're alright..." I remember saying rather grumpily.
I think I may have pointed at him and laughed after that. Our fling did not last long.

When I recounted the story to a friend of mine, she agreed.
"I know, don't you hate that? When they get all serious like that it makes you want to fart or something just to break the tension..." Always to the point, she is.

I have often thought that most people are too goal oriented during sex, and have too many insecurities surrounding it. Some people get so caught up in doing it "right" that they forget to have fun and enjoy it. She has to get off, he has to get off, and everyone wants to look good doing it. Performance anxiety is rampant. Just watch television for an hour and try to count how many times those insecurities are exploited. Most of us have no artful editing, lighting and slow motion shots to help us look cool in the bedroom.
We're imperfect beings, so why not embrace those little "oops" moments and have a good laugh? Breaking furniture, rolling around with such abandon that you fall off a bed, kissing with such enthusiasm that you give your lover a fat lip...awkward maybe, but it's a shared experience, a private joke. "Remember that time when...?"

As for regrets, I couldn't think of a single one, though there are a few "I'll never do that again" moments...

All Content Copyright 2007, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

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