No matter how much trepidation I may have, I know I have to go. I know I have to go, the way I know I have to breathe. I get those subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, hints about how to proceed in life. Cosmic bread crumbs, my friend called them, leading me forward on my path.
I have thought about this trip with some reluctance. It is the film industry that is drawing me there and that very industry which I imagine to be populated with nothing but jaded people who will wonder who I know or what I can do for them. I bring nothing but myself, my Reiki and my camera, and have wondered if that will be enough to get me by successfully in that fast paced town.
I am well aware that my opinions have been influenced by the stereotypes presented in the media. When I think of that city, I think of aspiring actors and musicians waiting tables, models and screenwriters waiting to be discovered, waiting to pitch their story, trying to get ahead by any means necessary, selling their souls for the slightest bit of success.
I know there is more to it, but I have yet to feel out the soul of that place. I know it is steeped in traditions deeper than the latest Hollywood trends.
This is a great leap of faith for me. I have no fear that I will get caught up in the rat-race. I am having to place all of my trust in my abilities to draw, and be drawn, to the right people, those who are on a similar or complimentary path; the ones who will add new insights to my life or are meant to glean them from me.
Everything right now points to the fact that this will be a big turning point for me, in some way or another. I have mentioned before that these things are never subtle for me. This is no exception. I have been inadvertently tying up loose ends.
Old wounds, both physical and emotional, are resurfacing and I am having to work to heal them once and for all, whether I want to or not. I have been busy.
For a couple of weeks, I dreamt of my father, very vivid dreams. Every night I would experience his death anew, and again mourn his loss. For weeks I woke myself crying, as though trying to wring out every last drop, every tear, from that wound.
Old physical injuries are suddenly acting up again...my left ankle, sprained in a freak ninja-fighting incident, the numbness up my right leg from when I was attacked by a burglar, cramping from perhaps my greatest triumph to date...
I sound like a mess, don't I? The truth is I feel great, despite a little discomfort. From the perspective of a healer, all of these things that are happening, it's just a form of house-cleaning. I'm tidying up in preparation for whatever is next. It happens when people receive a Reiki attunement, or go through any other sort of initiation. Things get a little worse before they get better, unresolved issues resurface so that they can be resolved. It also tells me that whatever is coming next is big...this is just a review of sorts. The lessons learned in the past several years are the ones that will serve me in good stead as I face this new chapter.
Fortunately for me, I test well...