09 December 2006

An intimate portrait...

Here are the MRI shots of the cyst from 2 years ago. Proof positive that trusting one's convictions, listening to one's body and spirit is how miracles happen. This path does not come without sacrifice, but the lessons learned and the gifts that come with it, are worth it.


The front view



The horizontal cross section



And the vertical cross section





All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

06 December 2006

An Easy Decision 2 of 2

Child of the waters
go with my blessing.
May you sleep peacefully
in the arms of the Buddha

Gomen ne.


J.T.




It's been a little over two weeks since the abortion. Physically, it's been exhausting. I've been taking iron to keep my strength up. I bled pretty heavily for the first week or so, and was told it could continue for up to 5 weeks, off and on.
Emotionally...well the old cliche "emotional rollercoaster" comes to mind. I am relieved because I know it was the right decision, for countless reasons, but I have been struggling with conflicting emotions, nonetheless.
For the first week at least, my lover did a lot to see me through what was happening. I feel a true sense of connection to motherhood now that I had never felt before, therefore a great sense of loss. At first I felt like I had lost some bit of my innocence. Even in doing and experiencing things a lot of people would not consider innocent or pure I have always maintained this sense of purity, because I approached those things with pure intent. It may have been the hormones, though, because I no longer feel like this.
My relationship with my lover did not seem to be too negatively affected. He was as loving and solicitous as ever. He did hint at feeling remorse or guilt at having caused me to go through this whole ordeal, but I tried to reassure him. Through it all I felt nothing but love for him, not blame. This was not "done" to me. I am an adult and do my best to take responsibility for my actions. Even as I lay curled up in the throes of miscarriage I loved him and lusted for him. I admit that last one surprised me a bit. Our activities were not curtailed much, except for one obvious restriction.
He encouraged me to rest and heal, said all of the right things.
Then week two. We resumed all of our former activities, which brought on renewed bleeding and cramping. I could see that he felt guilty, but again tried to reassure him. When we said goodbye outside of my work last Tuesday morning I had a feeling. I kissed him and looked at him, not wanting to leave just yet. I had tears in my eyes as I walked into work. The night before he had talked about wanting to move to L.A., feeling that he has nothing to keep him here, wanting to make a fresh start, to give attention to things he feels he has neglected. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. He wouldn't talk much about how this has specifically affected him, but there was that underlying feeling of guilt again.

I didn't hear from him all week, except for a text and email asking for Reiki for him and for a friend. He had focused a lot of energy on me the previous week and I understood that he might need some time, so I did not call him. By Sunday I was resigned to saying goodbye. We were supposed to go to a show, but those plans fell through. When he asked to meet for a drink, my suspicions were confirmed. Public place. I asked him to bring a couple of my things that he had.

He actually used the phrase "do penance". He feels he has to do penance for what has happened. He feels obligated to be there for his friend's kid to somehow make up for this. He can't bear to be around me, touch me, because it just reminds him, makes him think of what his son would have looked like or when he'd be born...He'd given me some rousing speech about being there for each other, but now he wants to do it alone, and leave me to deal with things alone...or how I would have anyway, with the support of friends and family, had he just walked away when I asked him to.

I even got the "let's be friends". I should call him, he said, if I want to cook dinner some night or go to Colombia or do any of a number of things that we talked about doing.
Ordinarily, once the romantic relationship is over I can slip right into friend mode, but this one will be more complicated. Let's face it, I am a Leo and I don't handle rejection well. While he admitted that few are ever fortunate enough to be loved so unconditionally, he doesn't want it, he doesn't feel like he should have that. He fears that he breaks everything he touches. I am now inclined to agree with him, but I believe it is by choice.
I ask for honesty and I feel lied to. Had he just left before this, I would have had plenty of support. Now I have to deal with feeling like a leper and the disappointment of betrayal on top of everything else. A woman scorned? You bet'cha.

Still, everything happens for a reason. Several of the people that I saw about the cyst in the last four years spoke of it in terms of a pregnancy of sorts. Something that was gestating within me that had manifested physically. They seemed to agree that it would be a rite of passage and a great lesson, when the time came. They predicted that I would really come into my own and tap into something very powerful that was contained within it.

I thank him for the part that he has played in this, no matter how reluctantly.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

An Easy Decision 1 of 2

Out of deference for my partner I had not blogged about this, but having no one to answer to, I am now free to write as I like. I'm sure I'll receive hateful comments, as this is a controversial topic, but I'm prepared to deal with that---I write what I live.

Written 11/3/06

I peed on a stick and the earth stood still.


First Response says:yes. I'm in a family way.

I've thought a lot about what I would do if I was ever in this situation. I dislike most children. The thought of giving birth has always scared and disgusted me. I think babies are like parasites. In fact, they fit the medical definition. They feed off of the host's body, and in extreme cases they can kill you. The whole "miracle of life" thing has never really struck a chord with me.
I've had a bad feeling about this. I was 2 days late and my boobs feel and look like they're ready to pop. I picked up a test on the way home and it confirmed my suspicions.
As far as I'm concerned , there was only one option on how to proceed. Get good and drunk with my best friend...and then, get rid of it.
I thought it would be an easy decision. Don't like 'em, don't want one. Have an abortion. Right?
I also knew I would have to have a talk with my lover. He knew of my suspicions and that I planned to take the test. We had once discussed what I would do if I ever got pregnant, so I figured it would not come as a surprise now. I did want to give him the option, however, to walk away now so that I could just focus on getting through this and not have to worry about our relationship as well.
I was too drunk to talk to him by the time he came over, but we talked this morning. I told him of my fears. I have heard too many stories. Guy is supportive until it's over, then later practically accuses woman of killing his baby. He said he supports my decision 100%, not that he felt I needed him to say it...I'm scared of having to deal with doctors and ectopic pregnancy and I'm confused by everything I'm feeling, as I'm sure he is. We're going to do this together. He wants to be there for me in any way he can. This is also opening the way for communication that needed to happen anyway.

Written 11/9/06

Well, as it turns out it has not been such an easy decision. Maybe my biological clock finally sprang to life, or maybe it's my partner and the way I feel or could feel about him, or any of a number of things. I actually hesitated momentarily before starting to take the herbs and mega-doses of vitamin C I hoped would induce a miscarriage.
After a week of essentially poisoning my body, nothing happened, except that I felt awful. Not only have I been physically ill, but the emotional burden has been overwhelming.
My best friend and my lover have been my constant support. He has suffered a lot too, emotionally. Despite not wanting children either, the reality of this has hit him pretty hard. We have talked a lot about how we feel for each other. I am never certain of his feelings for me or what we have but he has really made an effort and opened up a lot. I have also pushed for acknowledgment that though it's for the best, it is a life that is ending, rather than looking at it as just a medical procedure to deal with a problem. We've both shed a lot of tears. I see or sense things sometimes (a result of the Reiki) and I saw the little boy that it would be. Not an easy thing to think about, for either of us. We did a ritual of sorts, more of a meditation, really, to say goodbye to him, to explain why...I felt a lot better after that and I think he did too.



The day after I wrote this should have been my first clue. I asked him to look up a couple of places and get some basic info--- numbers, cost, etc while I was at work... Instead, he took a nap. No other explanation.

That night, I did my own research. It took me all of 10 minutes, and not a minute of sleep lost. Of course he was all apologies the next day. In order to impress upon him why I wanted to do it quickly I read to him about the developmental stages. At week 5 the heart starts beating. By my calculations I was at week 4. He looked like he was going to throw up.
That Monday I made my appointment. I was worried about getting the money together, but he insisted on paying for the whole thing. Some manly honor or duty thing.
That Friday, the 17th, he accompanied me to the clinic where they gave me the pills that would induce miscarriage. The first round, taken at the clinic, terminates the pregnancy. The second round taken 24 hours later (along with some strong painkillers) expels it.
They cautioned him to feed me a good meal and then make sure that I took a couple of Percocet, despite my protests. He would have to remain with me to make sure I did not hemorrhage. I wasn't really looking forward to the thought of him possibly having to help me change my pads. There are just some things that should never be shared between lovers.
He was the best nursemaid I could have asked for. He laid out a small banquet and made me a little nest of sorts in my living room. We followed all of the instructions, then settled in to watch my favorite movies.
Even with the Percocet it was some of the worst pain I have ever experienced, when it did hurt. It sort of came in waves. Everything worked out fine though. Pretty textbook. I am so afraid of anything having to do with western medicine that I think I focused on the worst-case-scenario stuff, fearing I'd bleed to death on the toilet or something.
My best friend/neighbor came over with her daughter at one point and kept us company for a bit. As much as my partner tried to be there for me, there are just some things only another woman can understand.

All Content Copyright 2008, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

05 July 2006

The Evanescence of Love

What an ephemeral thing is love. I find myself trying to recall and recapture feelings of which I could not seem to rid myself two weeks ago. Not that they are gone. They have just become fragile, less tangible. They remind me of those little dandelion pods, floating in my periphery in all of their delicate beauty. They seem to move just out of fingertips' reach at the slightest attempt to catch them.
hmm...this one took a little longer than most.


Oh! A warning to my readers, Mercury has gone retrograde. Think before you speak, read before you hit send...

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

02 July 2006

The Tango Lesson

Well, I'm certainly feeling more myself.

I am trading Reiki sessions for tango lessons. It just so happens that my tango instructor is quite a dashing young man with piercing blue eyes. I do believe I have a little crush.
I did manage to learn a few things between uncomfortable fits of giggles. He's a good teacher. I was also, however, made painfully aware of how uncomfortable I am when the direction I will take is not of my own choosing. I don't follow well.

It's probably just as well that tango boy is off the market. It's kind of a new and humbling thing for a guy to put me in the "friend zone" and I have more important things to think about right now. This will be a learning experience on several counts.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

01 July 2006

A Length of String

There's a trick I've heard of to help one remember things. A string is tied around a finger and the concept is, every time one sees the string, one is reminded of whatever one is supposed to recall.
This being me (a stubborn sort who always seems to take the difficult path) the reminders come in forms that speak to the healer in me--- injuries and illness, for example.
I posted an entry about my ankle a few days ago, about how it was no longer bothering me. That is until yesterday when I spoke to my ex. I'd had no contact with him up to this point. The conversation was cordial, but did bring up...I think they're called emotions or something...I'll have to look that up.
In any case, my ankle has flared up again. With that one phone call, some part of me kicked into gear to remind me that I made the right decision.
A string around my finger would be so much easier.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

27 June 2006

Mind Over Matter

This is an embarrassing thing to forget for somebody who is on a path of healing.

My emotional and spiritual state directly influence my physical state.

I know that. However, when dealing with my own life it can be difficult to get perspective.
My ankle, which I sprained in April, had until last week been troubling me. Not just a little bit of residual pain here and there, it just wasn't healing. Then I got rid of the ailing relationship and found a solution to my finances and...POOF! No more ankle pain. Just like that, no more injury. The obstacles that were keeping my life at a standstill, keeping me from walking my path, were physically keeping me from walking it as well.
It was a painful week. I found myself calling upon Kali, knowing she was the one for the job. Funny thing about Kali, though. As a sort of stern mother, she gives us what we need, rather than what we want. Sometimes we're lucky and those things coincide---this time, not so much.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

Storm on the Horizon

I was fortunate enough to photograph the last of Storm and the Balls regular Wednesday gigs at Dante's. The show was flawless, as usual. There are great things in store for this young lady.
As always, click on any of the images below to see more.

Hopelessly Devoted

Storm clutch

Lover

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

26 June 2006

Motorcycle Mama and other musings

I feel about motorcycles almost as strongly as I do about children--- I dislike and fear them both---yet today I braved the former when I got a most troubled and troubling phone call. (Come to think of it, I've now braved both for this same person.)

This dear friend has been a constant presence in my life for several years, indeed, she has gone above and beyond the call of friend duty on more than one occasion. Today I had chance to reciprocate and it just reminded me of how truly blessed I am. It made me think of how amazing it is to love somebody unconditionally and selflessly and to feel that in return.
Of course today's gesture was not entirely selfless on my part. It did garner me the promise that, should she wed, I'll never have to wear an ugly bridesmaid's dress.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

23 June 2006

Public Service Announcement

Are you dating a whimpster? This article could save you from tragedy...

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

21 June 2006

Feeling the love...

What an amazing day I had today!

In the span of about 8 hours I: read about wizardology and dragonology, painted w/watercolours, walked down 23rd, got gelato, bought some great stones/crystals. (Some of these are even said to help you tune in to extraterrestrial communications...hmmm, I forgot to check the mercury or lead content on those), checked out a sculpture garden, watched Nightmare Before Christmas, received some Reiki, had a friend bring over cupcakes, made and ate a yummy mole dinner, shot some photos, watched El Dorado while getting more Reiki, made popcorn from scratch (some people have no idea you can make popcorn without a microwave or a popper)...all of this with one of my favourite people in the world. Would you believe she's only 6? Or rather 6 and 3/4, excuse me.

Despite the incredulous and somewhat frightened reactions of several friends (you know who you are) I agreed to kid-sit today. I make no secret of it, I dislike children as a general rule, but this one is the exception. I had a blast.

The day also had a surreal tone since my friend's cat Edgar apparently issued a myspace bulletin to his kitty friends on my behalf. My thanks to the feline population of myspace for all of the sweet words, purrs and head-butts.

The humans made a great showing too. Thanks for the phone calls, visits, texts and emails.

Wish me luck... job interviews and photos tomorrow.

Happy Solstice!

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

20 June 2006

Holly Golightly

Some people drown their sorrows with alcohol, some with drugs... I lose myself in Audrey Hepburn movies-- and photo editing.
Here are some Dahlia pics for you. Click on any of the images to see more photos of this and other bands.

Let me hear you

Now you...

Didgeridoo

All Content Copyright 2008, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

19 June 2006

Swinger (Reprise) or "Jumping Ship"

"Wednesday, December 21, 2005


11:55 AM - Swinger...
Current mood: quixotic
Category: Romance and Relationships

...it sounds so salacious.nor am I entirely single. Where's the "I'm trying something" or "whateveryouwannacallit" category? "In a relationship" it is then. This may come as a shock to some, though none more than me, I can assure you. I've said before that getting me to commit is like pulling teeth. It's difficult and it's painful and you'll pretty much have to knock me out to do it.
I usually have one foot out the door or, as it was recently pointed out to me, I jump from rock to rock, never alighting on one for long. "What are you gonna do when you run out of rocks?" my friend asked.
Well, I've found a nice rock and have decided to stand here for a while, both feet firmly planted, and see what happens. (I just pray there aren't any sneaker waves.)

Now, its this attitude of brave determination (some may call it foolhardiness) that either brings me great joy or gets me into terrible scrapes (sometimes both at once). Either way, it's why I always have the best stories


4:13 pm Addendum

Note to self: check for quicksand..."


That was 7 months ago. And now I must bid a fond adieu to that rock, it seems. It was a lovely place where my heart could comfortably and safely rest. I will miss it.


All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

18 June 2006

Stalker

Photos of Stalking Jane from their set at the Ash St. Saloon, 6/15/06.

Stalking vs. Love

Jessica w/Violin

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

16 June 2006

Digital Age

I've started shooting digital. I fought it kicking and screaming, yet here I am, less than 24 hours after photographing several bands, with something to show for my efforts--- and I couldn't be happier.

the exhale

the exhale: Angsty Dan 6/16/06

Evelyn and her Musical Saw

From Valentine's loft

and The Human Genome Project

Silhouette & Drums

Sexy Beast

To see more photos of these and other bands, click on any of the images above.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

04 June 2006

Batter Up!

When I worked at Ohm, I started keeping a diary of sorts. In it, I documented favourite stupid quotes of the night, pick-up attemps or just anecdotes that occured as a direct result of my job there. I jokingly began referring to it as The Misadventures of a Coat Check Girl. The name stuck. Now that I have officially become the weekend door/coat check girl at this bar, I'm picking up the tradition in electronic form.

Favourite pick up line of the night (could double as favourite stupid quote)

Guy with an overgrown, bushy handlebar mustache teeters toward me at the end of the night, doing his best to focus and look me in the eyes.

(The wind-up)
"So, uh.... you make tips up here sometimes...?"

"yeah" I reply

(and the pitch...)
"Will you go on a date with me?"

(ow, the mighty Casey has struck out!)

too bad he wasn't taking tips-- I could have given him a few good ones, like shave that stupid mustache!

Instead I just gave him the standard flattered-have-a-boy-friend-oh-look-your-friends-are-leaving-goodnight!...

Boys... do they ever learn?

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

31 May 2006

Suckapunch

I'm feeling very blah today--- I think it's the rain. In any case I thought I'd at least post a photo. This is Mic Crenshaw, of Suckapunch. You can see them play this Saturday, June 3, at Tiger Bar (317 NW Broadway).




All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

29 May 2006

Can you tell me how to get...

how to get to Sesame Street! On this, the anniversary of Jeff Buckley's death, I figured I could be depressed or I could do something fun.
So I went with two of my favourite boys, Eli and David, to the Sesame Street exhibit at the Children's Museum. It was great fun except for all of the little vermin...




All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

24 May 2006

Sinner

It is said that confession is good for the soul. Maybe it's my catholic childhood rearing it's ugly head...but I must come clean! I have deceived you all. There were no ninjas. I am more likely to bring down a man with a withering glance than a roundhouse kick.

The truth is so mundane. I simply stood up and took a step--- onto my foot which was half asleep. Just a step, a crunch and some blinding pain that dropped me to the ground. I wan't even drunk.
See? Wasn't the other version much more fun? Especially when people like my mum asked me if it was true.

"Verdad?" she asked me. Is it true?

"Ninjas, mom?"

"Well, I don't know maybe you got in a fight..."

Guess how much I got away with as a youngster...

P.S. Happy Birthday, Mum!

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

20 May 2006

Boobylicious doorgirl

I survived my first night working the door at the swanky club, t-shirt notwithstanding. I suppose it didn't hurt that I woke up with somebody else's breasts. Wow, where'd these come from? They are almost twice their normal size. Ouch!

Anyway, I had forgotten about the bar stalkers. This one started off at the other end of the room. I noticed him giving me the eye---that bleary-eyed look men in bars think is sexy. He circled closer and closer, like a shark in closing in on its prey. He moved in for the kill, failing to notice the young man sitting close by. I held my breath for the punchline. There was no preamble, just an awkward "I want to take you out on a date".
I pointed to the young man next to me. "Well, this is my boyfriend you're standing next to"
He shook Eli's hand and mumbled an apology before he scampered off with his tail between his legs. On his way out, he actually glared at me!

It wasn't all bad tonight, though. I met some good people, saw some old friends, admired a couple of lovely ladies... no, not a bad night at all.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

17 May 2006

Door girl

The misadventures begin again. A friend of mine from the Ohm days manages the new hot spot in town. It's where all of the swanky celebrity V.I.P after-hours parties happen. She needs somebody to work the door this Friday night and I agreed to do it. Now I'm actually kind of nervous. I've spent several years avoiding clubs for the most part. I don't like crowds--- it's one of the reasons I didn't work the door for long at Ohm. At least in coat check I was somewhat protected and I ruled that little corner of the club with an iron fist (or maybe it was the cleavage that kept them complacent and relatively obedient).
Well, at this place I'll have to wear a t-shirt, so my cleavage can't save me. I'll have to get by on my wits...and lots and lots of Rescue Remedy.


On another note....ouch! My ankle isn't liking the warm weather. It doesn't help that people keep unwittingly tripping over it, kicking it or otherwise bumping into it. Ok, done whining...

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

05 May 2006

Life's soundtrack

SOUNDTRACK TO THE MOVIE OF YOUR LIFE -

So ... what you do .. open your music player (Limewire, Ares, Kazaa, iTunes, whatever) and put it on shuffle. For each category, hit next .. and put the first song that starts playing! Don't cheat, it's actually kind of weird!

Opening credits:
"Let's Misbehave" - Cole Porter

Waking up:
"Someone to watch over me" - Ella Fitzgerald

Average day:
"I never asked to be your mountain" - Jeff Buckley covering Tim Buckley

First date:
"All I want is you" - U2

Falling in love:
"Siguiendo la Luna" - Fabulosos Cadillacs

Fight scene:
"What will you say" - Jeff Buckley

Breaking up:
"Sometimes I feel like a motherless child" - Jimmy Scott

Getting back together:
"I thought about you" - Jimmy Scott

Secret love:
"Blister in the Sun" - Violent Femmes

Life's okay:
"Summertime" - Billie Holiday

Mental breakdown:
"Know your Chicken" - Cibo Matto

Driving:
"I need you tonight" - INXS

Learning a lesson:
"Under Pressure" - Queen

Deep thought:
"No voy a dejarte ir" - Andres Cepeda

Flashback:
"In my mind" - Thom Yorke

Partying:
"Ridin' High" - Ella Fitzgerald

Happy dance:
"Grinding Halt" - The Cure

Regretting:
"This is a lie" - The Cure

Long night alone:
"Cherry Ball Blues " - Skip James

Death Scene:
"Babble" - The Cure


heh, some of these were oddly appropriate, some just cryptic...

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

01 May 2006

"Lightning doesn't strike twice..."

"...except in Juli's life..." says Laura.

We were sitting on my fire escape this afternoon watching the storm, the thunder and lightning punctuating our conversation.
We'd had a very mellow day. Given the day before, with all of its near disasters, we took it easy. Massages, breakfast, a lot of sitting in one place away from knives and breakables...

As I listened to the rumbling of the thunder I was reminded of my time in Colombia, when lightning struck our house.
It was during the winter, which isn't all that different from other seasons in the tropics, except for it rains just a bit more. This particular storm was bad even by local standards. The skies opened and let loose with a vengeance. We stood outside for a while, family and household staff, watching the display. We scurried back inside after one of the red clay roof tiles was forcefully hurled to the spot where our maid had stood just a moment before.

I remember clearly. I was walking into the bathroom. I had just turned on the light and suddenly I heard a loud booming thunder that enveloped me in an almost tangible way. A heavy pressure descended over the entire house. I felt it like a physical weight upon me. I opened the door and smelled burning. Ozone and plastic and wood, burning...
I heard my father's voice from somewhere in the house, over the din of the storm, asking if everyone was alright. We all smelled something burning.
After making sure everyone, family and maids, were safe, we followed him on a tour of the house, and still the smell of something burning led us from room to room.
The younger maid had been outside with my little brother when the lightning bolt struck. They were on their way inside to watch a television show. They had watched lightning strike and sparks dancing all the way down some electrical wires.
We crept through the house following that smell of fire, of smoke. It grew stronger in the t.v. room. By the dim light of our candles and flashlights we could see that the television screen did not look normal. My father picked it up and it rattled like a piggy bank. There was a large charred mark on the table where it had sat.
The mystery discovered, we settled in for sleep. The following morning brought news of flooding in the nearby village and damage to several homes in our compound. Ours was the only home actually struck by lightning. We discovered a hole about a foot and a half deep next to the t.v. antenna, where the lightning had finally grounded and scattered red earth in every direction. We were just glad my brother and the maid weren't actually watching the t.v. at the time.

After that storm, the company set up a lightning rod near the house in hopes of preventing such incidents. It didn't seem to help, as our house was struck again while we lived there. We found out it had actually been struck several times before we moved in as well. So much for that old adage.


All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

25 April 2006

Traditionalist

Today I decided to embrace a time-honoured cultural tradition of my Latino heritage-- denial.

I heal quickly, so I gingerly tried putting some weight on my foot this morning. Not too bad. Those crutches have been driving me crazy so I decided to eschew them today. The cast? Well it doesn't quite go with my 'vogs, so that went too. I started out well enough, my shoe only a little tight, ankle only throbbing a little. Ok, so by now it's throbbing a little bit more...Just some ice and I'll be right as rain. Hmm, maybe a vicodin too.

The verdict? Well, I'll probably skip the flamenco class tonight, but I will be back in ninja-fighting shape in no time.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

22 April 2006

Hobbled Ninja

So, I'm writing this as the Vicodin kicks in, the throbbing pain in my ankle fading into dull background noise.

It all started last night, when a friend and I were walking back to my place after a night on the town. Being hardy, brave souls, we thought nothing of turning down that darkened alley, a shortcut home.

The walls muffled all sound but soon I detected the merest hint of movement. I could not discern a source or direction. My friend and I barely had time to exchange apprehensive looks before they dropped into sight. There must have been twenty of them, the stealthy bastards. Ninjas to our left, to our right, before and behind us.

Surrounded!

In a split second I recalled my year of tae kwon do training, the carefully studied fight scenes on Buffy... I sprang into action! My friend went down at the first punch and cowered by the wall, paralysed by pain and fear. It was up to me to get us out of this!
Suddenly, I became as though possessed. Punches and kicks flying, I made my way through the black-clad pack. The few who were left standing, ran.
I shook off the rage which had possessed me, grabbed my buddy and we ran all the way to my apartment. It wasn't until the adrenaline wore off that I felt the pain in my foot.

And that, my friends, is how I ended up in the E.R. today. I am now hobbling around on crutches with a sprained ankle. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

10 April 2006

Grandma update

Thanks to all who have been sending energy/Reiki to my grandmother. It seems that 'by some miracle' much of the affected tissue in her heart has returned to normal. She is now at a great hospital in Medellin where she has been moved from intensive care into a regular room.
She will undergo a stress test which will determine the amount of damage as well as subsequent treatment. So far, however, there is no talk of surgery. There is even talk of releasing her from the hospital by Wednesday.

A recently published study "proved" that prayer has little or no effect under such circumstances. Maybe they should have tried Reiki.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

08 April 2006

Blegh

Even though I know better I can't help but feel like I am useless right now, as we say in Colombia "no me hallo" (I can't find myself). I don't know what to do other than send Reiki.
My grandmother had a heart attack this afternoon. She's a 4 foot something bundle of energy who looks 20 years younger than her age and tells bawdy stories that would make a sailor blush. But she's also a lady, and never sets foot outside her door without impeccable hair and make-up.
She's in a rural hospital where the most they could do for her was give her an injection to stabilize her before sending her to the city of Medellin. Thankfully your chances of surviving a hospital visit in Colombia are considerably higher than they are here in the US, and Medellin does have some amazing cardiologists. It looks bad right now though--- the current hospital doesn't even have the proper monitoring equipment.

To my friends who do energy work, please send all you can and are willing to. Her name is Beatriz Santacoloma. Thanks.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

17 March 2006

...educator?

Talk about your surreal moments...

My mom was just visiting and she spotted the large red tool box I have in my bedroom. "I didn't know you had that many tools" she said. Well, uhm, sort of. I introduced her to my friend The Rabbit, the bondage tape, riding crop, etc.
"and what are those?" Oh. The nipple clamps. "how do they work?"

"Why do you ask?"

"To learn" She replied simply. Why do I even ask? I had stopped asking questions when she and her boyfriend got webcams...

I knew that prim proper Catholic thing was an act!

So I showed her how the clamps work. That was even stranger than the time my brother and I showed her how to make pipes out of numerous household objects.

My mom's parting comment was "Having kids is very educational"

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

27 February 2006

Recluse

Who heals the healers? My lover asked me this yesterday. Others have asked me this over the last couple of years. I could only shrug. To begin with, nobody can heal anybody else, so the term healer is inherently misleading. That said, I should know better, shouldn't I? The truth is I've been sad and I've been sick and that's why you haven't seen or heard from me for a while. Being a Reiki Master doesn't make me any wiser, it just means I have an extra few years of practice in a particular discipline. Right now I am re-building my foundation, the stability of which was lost along with my day job. Things have to run their course. I must mourn my great aunt and experience my renewed grieving for my father. Even this cold/flu I have must run its course. It doesn't matter that I know I made myself ill by needing an excuse to lay in bed. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm fine. I'm just taking some time to gather my thoughts and my strength. I've been getting my home in order and digging through my negatives. I've been finding some fun stuff to put up on my website (jtobon.com...coming soon!). I even found my Jeff Buckley pics--- yay! I am truly blessed to have so many people that care about me. I'm sorry I've been such a recluse, but it's part of the process. Thanks to those of you who have written to inquire how I'm doing.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

14 February 2006

V.D. Objector

I hate this so-called holiday. You feel like an asshole if you don't have somebody, you feel like an asshole if you do have somebody and don't deliver the way "they" say you should. Every time I'm actually with somebody on this date I warn them: I don't do it and... no really I don't and I hate surprises. A few ex's have gotten some nasty surprises of their own when they thought I was being coy--- losing deposits on fancy wine and reservations for expensive meals and such. I did warn them. For me it's all about the every day---the little things a lover does that show he's paid attention or things that seem trivial to him, but he does them anyway because he knows they mean a lot to me. Anyway, as if it weren't a depressing enough "holiday", I found out today that my great-aunt Ofelia, a wonderful and sweet lady, died. And that is why I don't do holidays.

All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

06 February 2006

Bowl cut

Today would have been my father's 76th birthday. Here's a photo of his last, his 72nd--- only a month and a half before he died.




and here we are during happier times...







All Content Copyright 2006, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved