The Jupiter Hotel

He lay on the bed, watching me undress.
I watched his face.
This was no slow tease. Months in between and mere hours to go.
My movements were deliberate and efficient.
His expression shifted.
It was subtle, but I saw...hesitation.
"What?" I paused, feeling suddenly self-conscious.
"You know I think of you as a friend right?"
I laughed, relieved. "Where did that come from?"
"I just...I don't want you to think that this is the only reason I'm here, with you."
"Aw, that's sweet” I grinned as I moved to straddle him “And I know that. But we only have a few hours. We can talk later...on the phone, after you leave town." All Content Copyright 2011, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

Bye Bye, Butterfly!

"Do you know why I asked you here?"

Butterfly Boy visibly paled.

"You're breaking up with me."

The proverbial light bulb over my head---

YES! Yes, that is exactly what I'm doing.

Until he uttered those words I had made no decisions, had no clear plan of action, merely some nebulous outline for one of those loathsome "talks". I despise "talks".

All we've done is talk, I thought--- talk about what he could do, should do, should be doing...

Months of listening to the litany of things he needs to do for himself--- to grow, to overcome, to evolve...and then he'd put that daunting mental list aside to make me an origami peacock out of a Comcast bill.
No time for the difficult, internal, mental/emotional work that we all need but hate to do. No, he had cakes to bake for me, potholders to sew for me...
And I was taken in by the loving subterfuge, trying to be a good woman to a wonderful devoted man.
But what an insidious trap, being the "good woman", the supportive girlfriend, the cheerleader/caretaker/counselor/healer.

"I need to...I need to...I need to..."

"You need to have a support network that isn't me" I'd said "I'd like to just be your girlfriend."

So he finally sought out and talked to the people I found, called people I'd spoken to on his behalf. He dutifully considered the advice and suggestions we made...and followed none of them.

I watched him spend countless hours admiring and praising all of the information, all of the tools he had amassed, and then sitting, paralyzed and bemoaning his failure before he'd even begun.

I tend to take people at their word.

His words of late spoke only of failure, despair, self-loathing, and self-sabotage.

Should it be surprising that a person's words should make them more or less attractive to a writer?

Give me words like passion, confidence, hope! Sex?

How about a phrase?

How about: "Fun, passionate, carefree sex"?

It doesn't exist when you feel more like a cheerleader/caretaker/therapist than a girlfriend.

In my heart of hearts (and loins), I wanted to want BB, but it would have felt like a pity-fuck.

I would have snapped sooner, had we not had an open relationship, and I'd not had an outlet.

But the day came when I finally did snap. Desperation (and a very dear and sympathetic friend) took me away for an impromptu beach getaway.
After months of feeling physically and emotionally drained, and being unable to discern the cause, I got a reprieve. After two days of being completely apart from BB, I felt more like myself than I had in months. I finally had the moment of clarity I needed.
I began to piece things together: I found him this person and that person to talk to, I'm always suggesting solutions/angles/perspectives. What has he done? Has he done things based on his own initiative or merely gone along with my suggestions (read: nagging).

When did I become this person? The cheerleader? I hated cheerleaders!

All of my energy and hours of every day spent reassuring, encouraging, supporting to the point of feeling like I was the only one actually trying to shore up the whole toppling mess while he stood by, throwing his hands up in bewilderment and cooking me dinner instead.

Rather than get trapped under the rubble, I made my exit.

"I love you, but in true Leo fashion--- I love me more."

It remains to be seen whether that house of cards will stand or fall, but whichever way it goes, it's not my responsibility and never really was.

There is something so very freeing in that realization.

And in helping him realize that it is, in fact, his.

Owning up to that kind of responsibility has not been his strong suit, however, at least not where our shared experience is concerned.

It's the reason why, for two years, I lost my Blowjob Mojo---but that's a story for another blog...

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl


All Content Copyright 2011, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

A Peek Behind the Curtain

You're very open about your relationship of 2yrs. Is there a downside to everybody knowing? I can only imagine, but I'd like to hear your thoughts...
(via MagsHoop)

Over the six or so years I’ve been writing this blog, I have written about many of my lovers, sometimes in great detail. I make it a point to never post anything I haven’t said or wouldn’t say to that person’s face. Almost everybody gets a nickname in order to protect his/her privacy. My friends and acquaintances typically respect this enough to refer to people by their nicknames even if they know or suspect their real identities. Even two years later, I still have friends who, upon meeting BB, will discretely whisper to me “This is BB right?”.

Granted, the blog has caused some friction over the years. Everyone thinks it’s hilarious until they recognize themselves in a post, then suddenly it’s not so funny anymore.
It certainly has affected some of my relationships, but I make it a point to warn people: anything that happens to me, anything I do or observe is fair game. That’s the risk you take when you get involved with an artist; you will, inevitably, end up in their “story”--- regardless of their chosen medium (you’ve no idea how many songs about me, both sappy and angry, I’ve had to endure!).

This medium is, first and foremost, an exercise for me. Of course, it has evolved over the years; Formspring has added a new dimension. Over the entire lifetime of the blog, readers have emailed me privately with questions or requests for advice. Those can now be submitted anonymously and answered publicly. One of the things that has always intrigued me the most about this particular medium is reader feedback, whether it be questions, comments or interpretations of what I’ve written--- they are all very revealing of people’s unique filters.

Ultimately though, this is where I practice the craft of writing, the art of writing. It is a 6+ year study and exercise in creating a character and maintaining that same tone and voice, regardless of the subject matter I’m addressing. The Infamous CoatCheck Girl is a one-dimensional character existing in cyberspace. While the posts are based on my real-life experiences they are written from her distinct point of view.

Most of the people who matter to me understand that.

BB has been one of my strongest supporters and advocates where my writing is concerned (one of the many reasons I <3 him!). He understands the difference between the person and the persona. He is also absolutely confident in himself and in our relationship. Of course, BB does present a unique problem, in that he has brought with him an entire audience of his own...an audience predisposed to dislike, criticize, and speculate upon every minute aspect of our relationship. Most of them, however, lack the courage to address it directly and openly so it is a mere buzzing, like that of a fly: annoying but inconsequential. BB has never, and would never ask me to censor myself. If anything, I think he’s rather amused by all the speculation and rumor. It’s been said that the best place to hide something is in plain sight. I am honest about the fact that BB and I have an open relationship--- it’s not something we’re coy about. Nor are either of us shy about our kinks. Posting something like that, however, does not paint a full portrait of who either of us are, so neither of us feels as though our privacy has really been compromised. Speculation and gossip are just that. Despite the buzz, buzz, buzzing the only opinions and points of view that actually matter in this relationship are mine and his. xo, Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!

All Content Copyright 2011, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved

formspring.me

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything! http://formspring.me/coatcheckgirl

I just found out that you have a page on IMDB. I was surprised and disappointed to see there was no picture of you or description of information on you. Is this your choice?

It is by choice that I do not have a photo posted on my IMDB page. I’m not trying to be an actress--- the times I have ended up in front of the camera or on the stage (I did a couple of productions for Miracle Theater in Portland) it has always been by special request of the directors. I haven’t the slightest idea how the audition process even works.
I much prefer being behind the scenes, in production.
Most of my production work has been in catering and/or craft services. While not my life’s ambition, it is the one department that always gets paid something, regardless of the budget--- everyone has to eat. Besides, when you’re the one with the M&M’s and the Red Vines, everyone is happy to see you!
Ideally, I like to do Production Stills, though usually that’s one of the last things accounted for in a film’s budget.
A pretty picture of a pretty face is irrelevant to what I’d want to pursue in production work. In fact, it can even work against me. I look very young for my age, and while that’s great for an actor, it’s not as good for crew. I feel like you have to work a bit harder to prove yourself to the veteran crew and be on guard against exploitation.
The very first film production I ever worked on, it was with the same producers who are currently in town filming a TV show. I was a locations intern but asked if I could snap a couple of shots during the production. After the first day, the UPM’s assistant asked to see my photos.
“Wow, these are great! Can we have them?”
After I stopped laughing and caught my breath I responded “Ha...that’s cute! Uhm, no. But you can buy them!”
He looked utterly confused and wandered off. Later, we became friends and he admitted to me that he (and the producers) had thought I was just another young and eager 20-something intern they could exploit, that I would just hand over my work for the glamour of it all.
Ha! That’s cute...
They did try again, too. They threatened lawyers, they tried to go around me and get my images from the department head for whom I was interning. I sent them a more-polite-than-polite “fuck you” letter: “I’ve been informed by so-and-so that you are still interested in acquiring my images. As you were unable to contact me directly, I can only assume you have misplaced my contact information. Included for your convenience...etc.”
I never did hear back.

My youthful good looks also almost cost me at least one job, that I can remember..
I was interviewing with Judy Becker (production designer on Brokeback Mountain and Garden State, to name a few). We were having a great chat, I’d won her over with my very frank answer on dealing with the egos of actors and musicians. I was practically hired. Then she asked me how long I’d been shooting professionally.
“Fourteen, fifteen years...” I said.
“What? Since you were eight?”
I assured her I am much older than I look. She stared at me for a while as though she were trying to decide whether I was lying.
Finally, she smiled “Ok. We’ll see you Friday!”
Relieved, I shook her hand. Then I realized something was amiss. “Oh wait, do you want to maybe look at my portfolio before I leave?”
It’s that Colombian charm--- works every time!

So yeah, until I get a wild hair and decide I want to be an actress, there’s really no need for a photo. With the exception of a rejected on-set suitor (or two) and the producers who tried to steal my work, any of the people with whom I’ve worked (some of the best in the business!), would vouch for me. They know I work hard, am pleasant to have on set, and that I’m equally respectful of everyone (from the interns to the UPMs)--- that’s worth more to me than a flashy IMDB page.

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!

You have stated that you are voluptuary and have had various trysts if someone catches your eye. Has a woman every caught your eye? or do you prefer a couple that may catch your eye?

I’m a people person, an equal-opportunity lover! :-)
I have been in relationships with men and women.
I’ve also had trysts with men and women, couples and trios, straight, bi, gay (some gay men seem absolutely fascinated by me for some reason), younger/older, tall/short, fat/skinny...you get the idea.
My friends have long given up trying to figure out my “type”.
I’m either attracted to somebody or I’m not--- and those mysterious qualities that make somebody attractive to me have little to do with their outward appearance. I’ve seen some “pretty” faces turn very ugly, very quickly once they started talking. Likewise, I’ve seen “plain” faces utterly transformed once I got an inkling of the passion and intelligence behind them.
Though I am curious and frisky and do enjoy sex for the sake of recreation, my partners definitely need to have something that intrigues me intellectually, at the very least a curiosity about life that matches my own; if they don’t stimulate me intellectually they’re not going to stimulate my physically.

There is, however, the rare occasion when I just want and need a release...that’s when a ball-gag comes in handy!

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl

Have any burning questions for the Infamous CoatCheck Girl? Ask me anything!

Do I hate Fat People? (or: SOMEbody was reeeally bored)

Do you hate fat people or is it just an easy thing to make fun of?

Somebody posted this question on my Formspring, which tagged it as “offensive or rude”, and subsequently deleted it.

I thought I should still address it, as I am sure many of this woman’s cronies have wondered the same. I know it was asked by a woman belonging to the “fan-dom” of a certain actor/musician and band. It is not the first time they have asked me loaded questions in order to have fodder on which to feed their dislike of me. I know it’s not somebody who actually knows me, or the question would never have been asked. Over a year ago, I made general comments about the median size of said fans. I have even made public mea culpas, and still they persist, now with this question.
Well, these ladies are obviously bored, and I have plenty to say so...I’ll play.



Do I inherently hate fat people? No.
Is it an easy thing to make fun of? Well, in the case of a specific group of people I felt was antagonizing me: yes. Granted, it was a low blow, but no less true for that. Unfortunately, I did not care enough about these people to put effort into Rostandian insults, so I went for the obvious.

While BB and I were in Colombia, he said he was amazed that he only saw 2 people the entire time, who could be considered obese. We visited 2 major, highly populated cities: Medellin (pop. 2.4 million) and Pereira (approx. 500,000 people), not to mention numerous other smaller towns. In Colombia the streets are teeming with people, at any time of day or night. We saw a lot of people, but only 2 people who were grossly overweight. Only two people of a size that would not be seen as out of place in the US.
Go pretty much anywhere else in the world and you’ll encounter a similar phenomenon...although that is beginning to change as other countries adopt an American-style diet. The average American diet is disgusting--- most of what they eat doesn’t even resemble real food.
It’s all about fast and convenient, which often means highly processed, sugar/salt and fat-saturated foods. My idea of a “fast and convenient” meal is dumping out a bag of organic greens onto a plate and drizzling it with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. What’s yours?
I’m living below what’s considered the poverty line in the U.S. and I am getting by without food stamps, so finances are not (always) an excuse for poor diet. I know government assistance programs don’t make it easy, either--- in some cases you’re almost almost forced to make unhealthy food choices. I have a friend who often bemoans the fact that he can’t buy his favorite VISO drink (sweetened with real sugar and enhanced with vitamins) but would be allowed to buy Cheetos and RedBull with his Oregon Trail card, were he so inclined. However, it’s not impossible to buy and eat nutritious food on a budget.
Some would say it’s easier to eat well and inexpensively in a place like Portland, with its granola-hippie bent and emphasis on local, organically farmed produce. However, eating healthily is not as expensive as one might think. Most Americans are just too lazy--- it seems a lot easier to go get BigMacs and Happy Meals at the drive-through than it is to make a big pot of lentils and rice (which would be cheaper, healthier, AND feed a small family for a few days).

A Canadian acquaintance of mine once commented on the American obesity problem “They’ll say it’s a ‘glandular condition’, but isn’t it odd that this glandular condition exclusively affects Americans?”
I don’t really buy the “I have a health condition” excuse. You don’t end up 50-100 lbs overweight over-night. And, statistically speaking, I have a hard time believing that a group of several hundred women, from different parts of the U.S., from varied backgrounds/age groups, with the same rare “glandular condition”, would all end up in one room at the same time. I mean, really...what are the odds?


It’s not a prejudice against size I have...if anything, it’s a prejudice against prolonged self-pity and inaction.
As I observed before, one doesn’t just wake up 50+lbs over-weight one day.
Given my background with Reiki and other forms of energy work, I believe that weight is armor--- just a physical manifestation, a symptom with an emotional or spiritual cause. It’s a form of protection and a way of hiding, from oneself and others.
During my adult life, I’ve fluctuated between a size 2 and a size 12 (I think--- the Colombian booty is an x-factor where pant-size is concerned). I have never “gone on a diet”, I don’t eat as healthily as I feel I should, and I certainly don’t get as much exercise as I should. I am older than I look and past the point where I can just rely on a youthful metabolism to keep me thin. I have a hearty appetite, yet I’m the most slender I’ve been in my adult life.
It’s not magic. It’s a matter of being self-aware and at peace, or at least working on the things I need to work on.
Sure, it’s also a matter of making healthy choices: drinking water instead of soda, eating foods that aren’t processed or high in sugar and trans-fats, cutting out HFCS, chewing food slowly and mindfully, getting a little bit of exercise...
But I truly believe the most important component is the mental/emotional. The heaviest I’ve been has always been when I was trying to hide from the world, whether it was after a date-rape, after my father died, after I was attacked by a burglar/stalker or while dealing with an ovarian cyst the size of my head. I put on a protective layer of padding until I was ready to reclaim my strength and drop the protective armor--- which I quickly did once I did the emotional work.

My general comments from over a year ago are still bothering you, so I think it’s pretty safe to say you think you’re fat and you’re unhappy about it. Sure, you can take it personally, play the victim and get mad at the world... but the truth is, even if you magically woke up a size 2 tomorrow that would not resolve the issue, the true root of the problem.
While it’s true that sometimes obesity has a genetic component, it’s largely a result of a sedentary lifestyle coupled with unhealthy eating habits, and emotional factors (like emotional over-eating).
On the small chance that it is a health issue in your case--- what are you doing about it? What did you do when you “suddenly” gained an extra 25 lbs, an extra 50lbs?
Which leads me to the more likely culprit, and that is the emotional component.
I know some big beautiful ladies who make me feel like an inadequate specimen of womanhood; they ooze confidence and sex appeal from every pore and carry themselves with strength and grace. They are shining examples of what it is to be comfortable in your own skin.
Any lover or friend worth having in your life is not going to care about your dress-size--- they’ll just want to see you happy and healthy. You’re better off shedding the excess emotional baggage than you are focusing solely on weight-loss.

Basically, what I’m saying is: get over it.

Do something. Do the internal work. It’s difficult, it’s painful, and nobody wants to do it, but it’s absolutely worth it! Sure it would be easier if you had a job/better job/nicer house/more time...whatever...it’s never going to be a perfect time or a convenient time.

Or...you can just go back to sitting in front of the computer with a pint of Häagen-Dazs and bitch about how a stranger across the country singled you out of several thousand other women she’s never met, and called you fat.

xo,

Infamous CoatCheck Girl



All Content Copyright 2011, Juliana Tobón. All Rights Reserved